I have to confess I saw the recent Bill Maher show on HBO. And since I am in confessing mood I must add that I watched the only way an intelligent person can—I had the sound off. When you cannot hear Bill and his guests they are actually enjoyable. Bill always has a smile on his face and that makes me happy if I cannot hear him spouting out stupid, vicious trash. I know, I know, we are not supposed to be name calling, but Bill begs to be ridiculed.
One of his guests was a washed up, never was Janeane Garofalo. Janeane once had a chance to be funny, she failed. She had a chance to relevant, again she failed. Now she only has the ability to come on television and demand that we are all stupid and mean unless we measure up to her standards. Actually, the best way to say it is that we are all stupid and mean unless we measure DOWN to her standards.
Here is a quote from the show, I found it on the Internet as you already know I did not listen to the show—I was enjoying the smiling Bill. Speaking of the Republican Party she had this to say: “What do they stand for? Torture as a policy. They stand for homophobia. They stand for no reproductive justice. They stand for denying global warning.”
I started to let it go—but I really must insist that the celebrities shut up. Let me measure down and try to use small words so Janeane can understand them, just in case she can read, or has someone on her staff who can read this to her.
First, torture as a policy is a misleading statement. No one has proven that torture has occurred. It is less of a policy of this government than flying innocent civilians into buildings in New York. And while Janeane probably believes that was done by the Jews or the Bush Administration she is wrong. Incarcerating fundamentalist Muslims bent on our destruction is not a bad policy. At the very least it is better than bombing milk factories and claiming to be leading the way against terrorist. You might not remember, that was the policy of Bill Clinton when he was pretending to be President.
Of course, if we could just be nice to the fundamentalist Muslims they would probably just leave us alone. Thomas Jefferson knew better, it is a shame these celebrities cannot have some intellectual integrity—or they could just keep quiet.
Next, is the idea that we are all homophobic. (Let me apologize to my gay friends in advance.) I like this one. If I want to keep marriage as it has been defined since the beginning of recorded history I am homophobic. If I want to have a conversation about what changing the norm means to the culture I am homophobic. If I do not admit that I am a closet gay man I am homophobic.
Let me make sure you understand, I am not scared of homosexuals. I just think it is wrong. Christianity has always thought homosexuality was wrong. You can redefine everything, but God gets to decide what is right and wrong in the end—not Janeane or Brad and Angelina for that matter.
I also believe that drunkenness is a sin. Does that make me alcoholophobic? I think gluttony is a sin, does that me gluttonophobic? I believe murder is a sin. Does that make me murderophobic? Where can I get cured of all these phobias.
I think Janeane is Christophobic. Can we offer help? Can we get her to stop spewing her hatred?
Then there is the best of the lot. Conservatives and republicans do not “stand for reproductive justice.” I am sorry—what? There was a time when we thought of it as abortion. It was merely a woman’s right to choose. Now I know I have to be careful here because I am a man and therefore have no right to discuss the issue of abortion. But I will soldier on anyway.
Since when is it an issue of reproductive justice? This is the most disingenuous term I think I have ever heard. We are murdering the unborn and want to call it justice. We are defending murdering fundamentalist Muslims, but fighting for the unborn is considered a denial of reproductive justice.
If it is a reproductive choice, shouldn’t we all get a say in the conversation before the choice is made. For years Planned Parenthood and the rest of the kill’em all crowd have insisted that a woman has a right to choose—right before they insisted that we could not give them any information that might contradict the religious worship of abortion.
It might get in the way of the cash these folks are making murdering babies.
I guess we should look at the real issue. What justice is it to allow any person who manages to get pregnant accidentally in this modern age to have a child? This woman could really screw up a child if she cannot figure out how to use birth control.
I am even more confused as to how any woman could get pregnant in this modern era since television has convinced me that our biggest problem is erectile dysfunction.
Finally, as to global warming, if all the celebrities would just shut up it would cool the planet down. Even if they continued to drive their big cars, fly their private jets, and live in their big houses.
